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College Graduate To Become Boot-licking Lackey		Starr To Probe Mick Jagger's Sex Life


WASHINGTON -- Independent prosecutor Kenneth Starr announced yesterday that he has expanded his investigation of the Whitewater land deal into the question of whether Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger lied when he told the writer Terry Southern that he had slept with 150 women during a 1972 tour of the U.S.

According to sources close to the investigation, Jagger interrupted the March 1972 interview with Southern to take a fifteen minute break in an adjoining hotel room, occupied by the well-known groupie Suzy Creamcheese. According to separate accounts from "Nightline" and Associated Press, but both based on the same report from the Dallas Morning News, lead guitarist Keith Richard was also present in the room.

"According to tape-recorded evidence secretly obtained by this office, Mr. Jagger engaged in sexual relations with a fallen woman during this 15 minute period," Mr. Starr said at an impromptou press conference conducted from the front lawn of his Fairfax, VA home. "Thus his figure of 150 liason while on tour is at best ambiguous and at worst an outright falsehood."

While Mr. Jagger's actions as alleged would not in and of themselves constitute a crime, Mr. Starr argued in his petition to expand the scope of the investigation that the misleading comments to Mr. Southern were part of a larger pattern of deception by Mr. Jagger warranting futher scrutiny by the Office of the Independent Counsel (OIC). OIC deputy prosecutor Jackie Bennett said that the investigation would continue to operate under the assumption that if you poke around long enough, you're bound to come up with something.

"I'm delighted to be working on this case," Bennett said. "I love sex."

Mr. Jagger, flanked by his lawyers David Kendall and Ron Wood, vehemently denied the accusation in a press conference held on his own lawn in London.

"I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Creamcheese," Jagger said. "What we did was not sex by any conventional definition of the term, although it was admittedly extremely naughty."

Yet in a terse statement, Clara Pisciotta, the woman formerly known as Suzy Creamcheese, would seem to support Mr. Jagger's version of events. Mrs. Pisciotta, now a language arts therapist in Allentown, PA, offered a guarded but unqualified denial of sexual relations.

"I know what you want to kno about, and we didn't do it," said Mrs. Pisciotta. "Mick always had a major bourgeosis hang-up about women he didn't know that well. I just took a hard plaster impression of his buttocks and we called it a day.

While Mr. Starr would not say precisely how his office had obtained proof of Mr. Jagger's activities during the fateful fifteen minute break, anonymous sources have confirmed to the Ex Caminos and several other major news organizations that the case is based on taped conversations between Mr. Richard and former civil servant Linda Tripp.

After an October 1997 concert at Jack Kent Cooke Stadium in Washington, D.C., a depressed Mr. Richard wandered down to the Amtrak station to hang out and smoke cigarettes. Ms. Tripp, who had followed him to the station with a suitcase of surveillance equipment in her hand, approached him and introduced herself. Once again exhibiting the disarming, matronly sincerity that so endeared her to Monica Lewinsky, Ms. Tripp initiated a conversation.

While the released transcripts have been heavily edited to drum up political animosity towards Mr. Jagger, the very ambiguity of the recorded conversations may provide some support for his version of the facts. At one point, there does seem to be a direct allusion to the events in question, but the precise meaning is unclear:

Tripp: And so you were there and could see the whole thing?
Richard:[redacted]
Tripp: [redacted] the IHOP [redacted]?
Richard: [redacted] stirring.

Ms. Tripp, currently making her Broadway debut in "Tripp's Last Tape," refused comment to answer repeated telephone calls to her home.

"Mick Jagger shall be sent to the stocks," Starr screamed at one point during the news conference.

Despite the unsettled legal status of the new branch of the investigation, prominent Republicans applauded the gambit.

"I am proud to be served by an independent counsel so committed to hisappointed duty to destroy the government of this great land of ours," said Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. "I have absolute confidence that he will not rest until he has exposed the sexual misconduct of everyone in America, and indeed the world. Except for mine, of course."