Washington, D.C. -- Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich testified before the Special Senate Committee on The Funk and angrily denied allegations that he is currently faking the funk and had at several times in the past. "I wish to categorically deny the vicious innunendo to the effect that I am faking the funk," said Gingrich during a 45 minute question-and-answer period. "I am doing no such thing. I am a nasty man, and have a nasty plan."

Speaker

Gingrich aide Tony Blankley confirmed that his boss's plan is indeed "very nasty." But despite Gingrich's determined denials, he still faced harsh questioning from the Democratic members of the committee, spotlighting a debate that has turned into a lightning rod for partisan infighting within the Congress. Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Massachusetts) interrupted Mr. Gingrich at one point early during his testimony and said, "As a member of what is generally recognized as the First Family of Gettin' Down, I have a hard time seeing you as credible on this issue." "The question before us today is this," said Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-Illinois). "What did Mr. Gingrich know about The Funk, and when did he know it?" Picking up Ms. Moseley-Braun's rhetorical question, Senator Joe Biden (D-Delaware) said, "After seeing Mr. Gingrich out on the floor of the Palladium last weekend, I would have to conclude 'not much.' No disrespect intended to Mr. Gingrich, but he shook it like a white girl." The White House offered no comment. President Clinton is seen as vulnerable on the funk issue because of his affinity with Fleetwood Mac. The scandal arose last week after charges came to light regarding former campaign aide Anne Manning, who claims to have peformed oral sex on Mr. Gingrich at his desk during the late 70's. "Newt refused me intercourse," said Ms. Manning in an interview in the latest issue of Bride. "He said 'I want to make love, but I am afraid that it might be too risky for my career, so you better just blow me and we'll call it even." "I would never have said something that," said Gingrich angrily today. "When I want to get it on with a lady I say something like 'I want to groove you and get next to you girl, and sex you up until about the break of day. After a brief rest for Gatorade and a piece of fruit, I then want to sex you up again.'" "I believe that is falsehood," Kennedy retorted. "A man truly infused with the spirit of the Funk would say something like 'I just want to get freaky with your big beautiful booty all night long.' It's just a lot more pithy." Blankley confirmed that he had never heard his boss use the phrase "make love," a term that he described as "for liberals" and "wack." When asked if he could remember a time when Gingrich might be described as "funky," Blankley answered in the affirmative. "Newt came back to the office after getting grilled for two hours by the liberal media last September," Blankley said. "Well, I don't have to tell you what Washington in the fall is like--his body emitted a strong, musklike odor. "I believe I was in the presence of The Funk at that time. I had a petit madeleine moment." "I am the funkiest man alive," screamed Gingrich during the testimony. Manning has contradicted Gingrich's repeated claim that he is the funkiest man alive, and has compiled a lengthy list of men she believes are funkier than Mr. Gingrich. The list contains such notably funky men as musical pioneers James Brown and Bootsy Collins, but also less obvious selections like Augustine of Hippo and Gerald McRaney of "Simon and Simon." "'Major Dad' was crap, it's true, but McRaney's got that certain something," Manning said. Mr. Augustine is dead.